Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Memory mandala

To find the center of a thought can I fuse poetry and prose to avoid the stress and artifice of rhyming and meter yet avoid the sloth of stream of consciousness as we call undisciplined wanderings that wander, yes, but in a circle around a focal point that point being the atom what the Greeks thought cannot be cut because it’s the smallest thing yet smallness is not what I seek nor inability to be cut I just seek the center of my thought and I can only visualize a center if I wander in circles for circles have centers and lines do not thus now I wander and wonder what is the center of this thought not these thoughts but this one thought that I’m having in a circle and that idea in the center is that we have lost our memory what I mean by “we” is the conscious surface of this globe also called the biosphere and in particular one part of this self-conscious surface called human and alive and we who recognize it as such and are proud of the sort of apex we imagine we’ve attained and yet it seems we have no memory just as after the age of two no one has a memory of being a baby because one presumes being a baby is so different from everything after that it simply cannot be remembered and the center of my circular wandering thought is that we of the conscious film on the surface of this globe have no memory of what we were and in fact have less memory of that than we have of being a baby because we see daily evidence of babyhood and its preface in sperm and egg yet we see nothing of what led to this we do not see our “mother” or “father” in the larger sense nor cause only effect and so as I continue to ponder and wander in this circle ever mindful that scorn attaches to a wandering mind that wanders too long without “results” I squint and try to focus on the center of my thought and think I see an atom that multiplied many times becomes the atoms of my whole self but in isolation from other atoms has a memory the memory I seek but as those mystics we call particle physicists find that the particle does not submit easily to our glance because we are conglomerations of multitudes of particles and our multitudinous communal particle consciousness creates an interference pattern with the memory of the solitary particle which we deem not conscious anyway and by thus deeming close the door to its memory, so I'm circling and circling but it’s gone I can’t do it I can only guess and wonder and circle and wonder if I should put on saffron robes or “live” my “life” and get “results” some other way some way that the particle conglomeration of myself can see and figure out because I can’t answer the question at the center of my thought and I am barred entrance to my own memory.

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