Harry the Human goes duanju!
For years I worked on a fictional series on this blog, Harry the Human, about two telepathic, alienated souls: Harry the Human and Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster. Sadly, the series did not generate the financial return I had sought in order to end my bondage to the Los Angeles Unified School District.
But there is hope! A new market for “mini-dramas,” or duanju as they are called by their Chinese creators, is making billions on soap opera- like episodes, only a few minutes in length, that combine themes of greed and eroticism. These mini-dramas appear on millions of cell phones every day.
Ka-ching!
Below, I hopefully submit to duanju producers two beginning episodes for a newly sculpted Harry and Robert. Thank you for your consideration!
Episode #1 of The Controlling Father
Harry the Human goes out into the desert once in a while, when the urge overcomes his distracted soul, to masturbate into the wind. On one occasion, Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster, from behind a rock, observes Harry in this shameful act and is consumed with grief at his friend’s desperation and depravity. That night, Harry receives a knock on his door, opens it and finds Robert carried in the arms of a beautiful woman named Trish, the daughter of a billionaire tech mogul. It turns out that Robert, combining his mystic background with esoteric traits found in gila monsters, is able to convince humans to try novel experiences, and he has used his abilities to induce Trish, who is intrigued by the idea of escaping her controlling father, to travel to Harry’s shack, where she finds Harry to be, indeed, a far cry from anyone’s controlling father. Harry is at first taken aback, but then succumbs to his not so cosmic cravings. You can guess the rest.
Estimated time of episode: Two minutes.
Episode #1 of Lizard Love
Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster travels to Bhutan where, atop a Himalayan peak near the famed Tiger’s Nest Monastery, he meets Sylvie, a hot tokay gecko (a distant relative of Robert's brand, the Mojave gila). A mutual attraction develops immediately, but differences between the two species present a problem. Sylvie explains that female tokays find a partner through a mating call, but, when she demonstrates the call, Robert develops an intense headache, and also finds that he is unable to reproduce the call (represented in English as Ke-ke-ack-a-grrrrp). Robert explains to Sylvie that the come-hither message of the Mojave gila is not conveyed by sound, but by a smell emanating from a naturally produced chemical called a pheromone. The scent stimulates a strong sexual response - at least in the right species. After Robert squirts a sample, Sylvie becomes nauseated and can barely keep from vomiting. The two reptiles experience a few moments of despair, but Robert suddenly receives a message from his cosmic birthplace and proclaims, “Sylvie, we don’t need these random accoutrements. Let’s just gaze into each other’s eyes and let nature take its course!” Sylvie sees the logic in Robert’s idea. The gazing begins and you can guess the rest.
No comments:
Post a Comment