Saturday, April 25, 2026

Harry the Human goes duanju!

For years I worked on the fictional series presented in this blog, Harry the Human. As regular readers know, Harry the Human was the stage name of a small-time mind-reader who worked clubs in San Francisco. What Harry’s audiences didn’t know is that he was actually telepathic, a Gandalf-like being with a spiritual, cosmic background. But unlike Gandalf, who returned after a series of reincarnations as Gandalf the Grey, a powerful and revered wizard, Harry returned, essentially, as Harry the Schlemiel, a confused nobody who can't understand why he is always hearing other people’s thoughts.

Harry got tired of his futile attempts to merge into human life, so he moved to a shack in an obscure town called Pearblossom to lose himself in the surrounding Mojave desert. On one of his wanderings he comes across a gila monster, Robert, who, as it happens, is also of cosmic descent and is telepathic. Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster, as he likes to be called, has been expelled from his tribe of gilas, who regard him as a nut. Harry and Robert become soulmates and share many insightful experiences interacting with the civilizations that have erupted on planet Earth.

Sadly, I discovered that Harry the Human was not generating the financial returns I had sought in order escape my bondage to the Los Angles Unified School District.

That’s the point of this essay. I hoped for years that my own delight in Harry and Robert’s exploits would translate into a vast and remunerative audience. It did not, but my hope is renewed with the discovery that I had merely failed to find the right medium and platform. It turns out that there is a new market for “mini-dramas,” or duanju, as they are called by their Chinese creators, that are making vast billions on soap-opera like episodes, only a few minutes in length, that combine themes of greed and eroticism. These mini-dramas appear on millions of cell phones every day.

Cha-ching!

Why did it take me so long to wake up? Harry the Human and Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster are the perfect characters for this new format! Below then, I hopefully submit to duanju producers two proposed episodes of my newly imagined characters. Thank you for your consideration!

Script #1

Harry the Human goes out into the desert once in a while, when the urge overcomes his distracted soul, to masturbate into the wind. On one occasion, Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster, from behind a rock, observes Harry in this shameful act and is consumed with grief at his friend’s desperation and depravity. That night, Harry receives a knock on his door, opens it and finds Robert in the arms of a beautiful woman named Trish, the daughter of a billionaire tech mogul. It turns out that Robert, combining his mystic background with esoteric traits found in gila monsters, is able to convince humans to try novel experiences, and he has used his abilities to induce Trish, who is intrigued by the idea of escaping her controlling father, to travel to Harry’s shack, where she finds Harry to be, indeed, a far cry from anyone’s controlling father. Harry is at first taken aback, but then succumbs to his not so cosmic cravings. You can guess the rest.

Estimated time of episode: Four minutes.

Script #2

Robert accompanies Harry on a trip to Bhutan (see below: “Robert embarks for Bhutan” and “Bye Bhutan” for the story background) where, atop a Himalayan peak near the famed Tiger’s Nest monastery, Robert meets Sylvie, a hot tokay gecko (the tokay is a distant relative of the Mojave gila). A mutual attraction develops immediately, but differences between the two species present a problem. Sylvie explains that female tokays find a partner through a mating call, but, when she demonstrates the call to Robert, he develops an intense headache, and also finds that he is unable to reproduce the call (represented in English as Ke-ke-ack-a-grrrrp). Robert explains to Sylvie that the come-hither message of the Mojave gila is not conveyed by sound, but by a smell emanating from a naturally produced chemical called a pheromone. The scent excites a strong sexual response - at least to the right species. After Robert squirts a sample, Sylvie becomes nauseated and can barely keep from vomiting. The two reptiles experience a few moments of despair, but Robert suddenly receives a message from his cosmic birthplace and proclaims, “Sylvie, we don’t need these random accoutrements. Let’s just gaze into each other’s eyes and let nature take its course!” Sylvie sees the logic in Robert’s idea. The gazing begins and you can guess the rest.

Estimated time of episode: Five minutes.

Than for considering these proposed episodes for the new Harry the Human and Robert the Telepathic Gila Monster mini-dramas! I look forward to a profitable and fulfilling collaboration! All the best, D.L.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)